Chasing Lazarus

Finding my way home
Slow Beginnings

Slow Beginnings

When I started writing, it was still March fifth. This an odd day, today, falling as it does between Clean Monday and Ash Wednesday, which, despite the seeming differences, mean the same things. In the East, Great Lent begins on Clean Monday, with fasting, prayer, and...

read more

What’s my story?

I had a good therapy session where I started digging into the roots of why I tend towards apathy. People react to stress with a lot more than fight or flight, and freezing or playing possum is a valid and common survival response. Evidently I have a very deeply...

read more

The labors of the Theotokos

I recently saw, once again, posed the question of whether or not Mary experienced labor pains when she gave birth to Christ. As the discussion unfolded, the question arose, "What does that word mean in Genesis anyway?" In Genesis 3, God says to Eve, "in pain you shall...

read more

Independence Day

I have mixed feelings this year about Independence Day. I love my country, I really do. I believe whole heartedly in "The American Experiment, in the building and growth of a nation founded by immigrants who ran the gamut from poor looking to escape their poverty,...

read more

Entombment

Trauma is... I'm sitting here puzzling over how to start, and it occurs to me that the above is a complete sentence in itself. Trauma is. Trauma isn't something that comes into your life and then leaves again. Contrary to the opinions of quite a number of intelligent...

read more

Post diagnosis learning curve

One of the more fascinating (to me) aspects of being finally diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder is all the little things over my life just falling into place. It was the same when I was diagnosed with Aspergers, with a heart issue, with a sleep disorder....

read more

I gave her a pen

I've been trying to find the words for this for several months now. I've been in therapy using EMDR since September. It doesn't work for everyone, but it turns out that I'm the ideal kind of patient for this. Combination of personality, more than 30 years of...

read more

In the Tomb with Lazarus

The other night I had an unusual dream. I dreamt that I and a number of other people moved to another world, where we established a new civilization. It was beautiful and it worked. Not flawlessly of course, it was no utopia. But it was good. Over the course of the...

read more

Summer

I'm talking to God again. I don't feel like he is absent anymore. It isn't what it should be, it is far from ideal, but I've found my way back to talking to him. Through other people and their needs of course, not for myself. That's how it always comes, for me. When...

read more

Winter

The theme of last year was abandonment and safety, security and fear. It was a difficult year in many ways, and ended on an incredibly low note. I had quite the row with the Almighty, and we know how that always turns out. But I needed to say my piece before I could...

read more
Tree Goes Here

Tree Goes Here

Position: Sometimes up, sometimes down, but quite often horizontal.

Bacon ipsum dolor amet picanha alcatra turkey prosciutto biltong jerky tenderloin beef turducken pig fatback pork loin hamburger. Strip steak cow turkey, flank sirloin beef ribs leberkas frankfurter. Tail kielbasa andouille pork tenderloin porchetta chuck flank tri-tip beef ribs cow. Chuck landjaeger beef ribs, kielbasa bresaola ground round drumstick brisket filet mignon bacon kevin tenderloin meatball ham meatloaf.