Slow Beginnings

When I started writing, it was still March fifth. This an odd day, today, falling as it does between Clean Monday and Ash Wednesday, which, despite the seeming differences, mean the same things. In the East, Great Lent begins on Clean Monday, with fasting, prayer, and...

What’s my story?

I had a good therapy session where I started digging into the roots of why I tend towards apathy. People react to stress with a lot more than fight or flight, and freezing or playing possum is a valid and common survival response. Evidently I have a very deeply...

The labors of the Theotokos

I recently saw, once again, posed the question of whether or not Mary experienced labor pains when she gave birth to Christ. As the discussion unfolded, the question arose, “What does that word mean in Genesis anyway?” In Genesis 3, God says to Eve,...

Independence Day

I have mixed feelings this year about Independence Day. I love my country, I really do. I believe whole heartedly in “The American Experiment, in the building and growth of a nation founded by immigrants who ran the gamut from poor looking to escape their...

Entombment

Trauma is… I’m sitting here puzzling over how to start, and it occurs to me that the above is a complete sentence in itself. Trauma is. Trauma isn’t something that comes into your life and then leaves again. Contrary to the opinions of quite a number...

Post diagnosis learning curve

One of the more fascinating (to me) aspects of being finally diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder is all the little things over my life just falling into place. It was the same when I was diagnosed with Aspergers, with a heart issue, with a sleep disorder....

I gave her a pen

I’ve been trying to find the words for this for several months now. I’ve been in therapy using EMDR since September. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it turns out that I’m the ideal kind of patient for this. Combination of personality, more...

In the Tomb with Lazarus

The other night I had an unusual dream. I dreamt that I and a number of other people moved to another world, where we established a new civilization. It was beautiful and it worked. Not flawlessly of course, it was no utopia. But it was good. Over the course of the...

Summer

I’m talking to God again. I don’t feel like he is absent anymore. It isn’t what it should be, it is far from ideal, but I’ve found my way back to talking to him. Through other people and their needs of course, not for myself. That’s how...

Winter

The theme of last year was abandonment and safety, security and fear. It was a difficult year in many ways, and ended on an incredibly low note. I had quite the row with the Almighty, and we know how that always turns out. But I needed to say my piece before I could...